The Independent Woman (And Other Lies)

Is there really such a thing as an independent woman? What price do women pay for their independence, and what effect does a woman's independence have on the family today? These questions are very important in coming to a conclusion as to whether or not independence today is to be sought out by women.

First, in order to answer the first question, I must clarify what I mean by an independent woman. An independent woman usually does not have a husband and if she is married, the marriage is more like a switch in gender roles. In other words, she "rules the roost". Although I am sure there are women who seem to be quite happy with the situation, I don't think the men are. Usually, when the woman in a marriage is ruling the household, the man is thought to be a "whimp". He finds himself many times allowing his wife to control things and make the decisions in the home, not because she makes better decisions, but because she overpowers his decisions. Oftentimes, if a woman has an aggressive, independent spirit, it is better that she does not marry. So, I guess I will answer the first question-yes-there are independent women!

Secondly, I must discuss the price that women will probably pay for their independence. Woman, as a created being, was made for the man. It was intended by God that the woman be a help  meet for the man. I believe that the intent was so that the man would have a companion and not be lonely, among other things. But, of course we know that this plan of God was changed by an act of disobedience. Eve definitely paid a great price for her independence. She decided to accept what the serpent told her over what God said and, in so doing, she also put Adam in a position to decide whether to be like Eve or to obey God. Adam chose to become like Eve. Thus, from that time on she was to be ruled by her husband. I know that many women, including myself, do not like this. Some utterly abhor this, but it doesn't make it any less true. I believe that women are suffering a great deal today because of independence. God has guidelines set in the Bible in order to protect the woman both physically and mentally. (See Genesis 2:18, 20; Genesis 3:16; 1 Corinthians 7:2; 1 Corinthians 11:3-12; Ephesians 5:22-31; 1 Peter 3:1-7).

Many women today are in the workforce and have much stress in their lives. It would be so much better for them if they were not so independent and they would be like the women of years ago who trusted their husbands to be the main provider. This was so much better for the woman. I know this is true because my mother stayed at home and had very little stress and, as a consequence, she has had few physical and mental problems. Ever since women proclaimed their independent spirit, they have had more illnesses and mental problems as well as family (marriage) problems. All these things are on the incline.

I would like to quote Katie Roiphe who wrote the story, The Independent Women (and Other Lies),

Seen from the outside, my life is the model of modern female independence. I live alone, pay my own bills, and fix my stereo when it breaks down. But it sometimes seems like my independence is in part an elaborately constructed facade that hides a more traditional feminine desire to be protected and provided for...But when I think about marriage, somewhere deep in the irrational layers of my psyche, I still think of the man as the breadwinner!" (Aims of Argument, p. 674)

Thirdly, what effect does a woman's independence have on the family today? I believe that women's independence has caused effects on the family that are without remedy. Many children have no idea what it is like to have stability in the home. By this, I mean that the mother is at home taking care of them, teaching them the fundamentals of life. Mothers no longer teach their daughters to be homemakers. No longer do they teach the children how to love their homes. I will add to this that many men no longer have character and this has been handed down to the next generation. We live in a generation without guidelines! Everything seems to have been torn apart. I believe this is because of the home situation. (See Titus 2:4,5)

In conclusion, it is evident that women who have decided to have their own independence, have done so at the cost of both mental and physical happiness. Women are not created to rule over nations or to run the world. Women were created by God to be helpers to men, to create life, and to succor children. I'm not saying women cannot work outside the home, I am merely saying that in many instances it would be best for her if she remained at home if she has children. I have always had an independent spirit, but in my young adult years, I chose to stay at home with my children rather than have a career. Because I was home with my children as they grew up, I learned to be closer to them and became good friends with them. I know now, as I look back, that it was far better for me physically and mentally to be at home. This does not mean I didn't do things, it just merely gave me more time to focus on home life. I don't think I could have dealt with the stress of working and raising a family.

Another quote by Katie Roiphe:

The truth is, the knowledge that I can take care of myself, that I don't really need a man, is not without its own accompanying terrors. The idea that I could make myself into a sleek, self-sufficient androgyne is not all that appealing. Now that we have all of the rooms of our own that we need, we begin to look for that shared and crowded space. And it is this fear of independence, this fear of not needing a man, that explains the voices of more competent, accomplished corporate types than me saying to the men around them, 'Provide for me, protect me.' It may be one of the bad jokes that history occasionally plays on us: that the independence my mother's generation wanted so much for their daughters was something we could not entirely appreciate or want. It was like a birthday present from a distant relative--wrong size, wrong color, wrong style. And so women are left struggling with the desire to submit and not submit, to be independent and dependent, to take care of ourselves and be taken care of, and it's the confusion of this struggle that most of us love and are loved.